Another Big Fat Negative

I did everything right. I waited an entire two weeks to test. When I took the test, I let it sit out of eye sight for the full five minutes. This was unusual for me as I usually begin testing days before my missed peeiod, so if I waited patiently, I somehow thought the outcome would be different. It was not. Being familiar with this outcome did not mean the harsh lack of a second line was any less disappointing to see.

I try to remain optimistic and tell myself that I will probably get pregnant next cycle when we switch to daily injections instead of Clomid, but deep down I can’t help but fear that I will never have a biological child. While I am glad that we are working towards adoption, it is hard to think of it as a reality since it will be at least three years until we are placed with a child. We will give fostering a try once our license comes through. Maybe this will be enough to fill the emptiness in our lives.

I won’t give up on God or medicine even though every negative test just makes it that much harder to keep trying. All I can do now is hope my period comes quickly so I can call my doctor and begin the whole process again. There is something to be said for those medically-imduced 28-day cycles though….I don’t have to wait as long to try again!

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